this is just a guess, but i am imagining that most of the readers here do not have children…at least not small children requiring lots of care or certainly not new babies…we do discusss so many topics involving our work and our respective careers, but i do not think we have spoken much about the effect of family or, more importantly perhaps, marriage and the decision to have or not to have children….i do often hear discussions among photographers, both women and men, who surmize that marriage/family/children could somehow alter or stop the pursuit of a career in photography…particularly if travel is involved….
Chris Anderson, conflict photographer extraordinairre, playfully holds aloft 6 week old Atlas, as his bride Marion, Newsweek magazine editor, looks on at breakfast yesterday morning in Tuscany…obviously Chris and Marion both have careers that require lots and lots of attention and yet little Atlas needs his fare share of their time as well…
there are certainly many examples of men and women in our craft who have successful marriages and raise emotionally healthy children, but there are also many stories of exactly the opposite…i personally do not subscribe to the often repeated theory that photographers in particular are particularly susceptible to failed marriages etc., but surely it takes a special combo to make it all "work"….i did manage , with the sustained help of my now ex-wife, to take my sons on so so many assignments around the world….but, i was not working in conflict zones and i was also not jumping from one two day assignment to another…i had long periods of time in one place…
Alessandra Sanguinetti (below) , also with Magnum and author of "On the Sixth Day" lives happily in New York with her photographer husband Martin and their one and a half year old Catalina….they seem to me to be "living happily ever after", but i am sure there must be times of compromise between her career and his….
both photographers are being included in my new family work and i started shooting Chris and Marion long before Atlas was born…i plan to photograph Alessandra and Martin in the coming year..(no, these are digi photos and not the REAL pictures for this project, but i love snapshots just like anyone else…)
i am curious how you feel about family and your career…..will you "wait" until your professional life is established before you raise a family , or will you just go ahead and figure out how it all blends later?
Not married, never have been, and no kids, so this doesnt pose any problems for me.
but i love snapshots just like anyone else…
—————-
I can’t comment (smirk: yet!) on photography with children and career, having none of both, but I am curious if our friends here do think likewise about snapshots.
Often, i get the feeling here that snapshots (and I mean snaps, not concepted, or to be published, edited, essayed snapshots… I mean: the real thing!) are simply not photography, and not part of the life of a serious, or minded photographer, God forbid.
One takes them maybe, but do not “love” them. Who loves their snapshots too?
David,
You picked a great topic, something that I wrestle with often and wonder how I will make it work if I am fortunate enough to live “the dream”. For the time being, family and marriage not something that I have considered because I want to stay focused and continue to push forward. Having a family or wife requires a lot of responsibilities that I am not ready for. At the moment I am able to live off of what I make through photography, but if I were responsible for someone else, I don’t think that would be possible. For me, I need to develop my career and myself before I commit to someone.
Keep shooting on the project, what snapshots look great.
A timely topic.
I have a 1.5 year old daughter, Nyx and a wife, Alicia. We take very seriously the responsibility of raising our daughter and it can be quite a juggle with 2 photographers, of different sorts, both of who are primarily self employed.
There is some give and take, but we have developed a life that allows us to follow our dreams and be the parents we know we must be.
We trade responsibilities when one of us is working or needs time to work on personal projects. We take Nyx along when we can, as the travel and stimuli of the outside world of our work is as important to her development as almost anything. It can be hard, we are not rich and are really at the beginnings of our careers, but as we progress we make it work so we can have the life we want and our child needs. We make a living on photography, how lucky we are and we hope to share that attitude with Nyx and continue to grow our family and work lives.
Thanks for bringing it up
Jeremy
DAVID:
Don’t forget TRENT AND NARELLE :))))…and um, Sally M, Alex S, Jonas and Laara, etc etc ;))))….
and most of the Russian photographers i know (male and female) have families……
just sent chris a note…had no idea…so happy for them….
ok, will write later about this, since, um, well, it’s been pretty obvious over the last year and a half my perspective on this topic ;))))
and yes, i love love snaps…many senses, prefer Family Albums to most photograph books…and yea, we make have them too, most of the snaps are shot with either disposable camera or dima’s digital camera…but, i can’t not, not ever, get enough family albums…be prepared when we come to break yours out too ;))))….
as for the career/family bit…well…im gonna wait to drink before writing something long, but…as a happily married couple, at times photography and all that this entails has been a test, a push, a weight, mostly when i lost sight of perspective (like the projection project i ran, where i sadly prioritized the projection and the photographers over time with my family, something i shall never do again, for no one)…as two working photographers it’s been a learning process and a remarkably enriching and challenging one…
we’re both fortunate, we’ve learned along the way (about photography and a marriage and a marriage with 2 artists) and fed and nurtured and supported one another…there have been moments of great difficulty in this kind of life (2 working artists dealing with the same art form, etc, vanities, hurt feelings, silence etc), but what i feel so fortune is that Marina and I both recognize that as a couple we are one, as photographers each is an individual and needs space and silence and effort, but above all the family is pre-eminent…
for me, as i’ve written often, photography which is an essential part of my life, is one compartment among the many compartments of my pulpy heart-chamber and what bears and bares and beams in my life and drives the greeny fuse of the photography all comes from the same place that led directly to my family…in other words, my wife and son are the source of my being…and that being is what illuminates the work…and i could survive kissing off my cameras…i would be more hard pressed if my wife and son kissed off me as a part of their lives… ;)))…
career?….to survive in tact, to provide some kind of nourishment for them, to write and to photograph and to live as simply and as safely and as nourishing, for them, for us, as possible…that’s my career…that rest, just dross and covering… ;)))…
oh, and yea, i dig snapsnots big big time… …
but marina and i came late to this dog and pony show call photography, and we came late (sort of) to each other (well, compared with couples who marry/meet in their 20′s), so the tide turned in a more directly navigable direction ;)))…
running
b
Hi David,
I have a 10 months old daughter, Anne-Camille, and wife Nicole. I consider my family my most important job or assignement. Over the past 10 months, I have photographed my daugther and her short live.
There is the site if you want to have a look at it:
http://lemondedac.blogspot.com/
Enjoy!!
I have 2 children under the age of 3 with twins comming in the next 5 months so I can relate to the difficulties of business travel.
My wife and I turn down business trips when we can. It makes it easier on the family.
Right now my wife is in New York while I attend to my business plus caring for the kids after day care. It can easily be done but in moderation. Moderation.
Speaking of snap shots… thats about 90% of my photography these days. No more fun photography trips w/ friends or personal projects. However I occasionally shoot a portrait and do some product shots for a company to break out of the mundane though.
Even though I have never been a “photographer” in the professional sense… I still NEED to fulfill my creativity with a camera. Part of the balanced lifestyle.
Peace,
jason
Thanks for this delicious slice of life from Italy.
What are the meals that accompanying these images? :))
I was already married when my passion for photography returned so there was no decision to be made there.
As far as kids, believe it or not NO ONE in my Mother or Father’s family…Aunts, Uncles, etc…had kids! I have no cousins, am an only child (two half sisters old enough to be my parents…so did not grow up with sisters) and did not ever get the “message” that having children was something that was required in life. I think that was a blessing…I was able to be free from society and decided very early on that I did not want to be a mother. I had enough “mothering” from all my relatives to last many lifetimes and “mothered” all of them in turn by caring for each one of them…Aunts, Uncle, Parents… over the course of many years before they passed away.
So now it’s time for ME…with as much compromise is necessary to keep my marriage strong!
Disregard that “time for me” comment…I left out someone of great importance who takes up a huge chunk of my life…my parrot, Eddie the Eagle. Just when I thought I was somewhat free I found him in my backyard six years ago and now it’s almost like having a child…we are inseperable from him…karma I guess!
Snapshots….I have been thinking more and more about going thru all my old snapshots…my surfer buddies from high school, Aunts in Miami Beach….I know there are going to be some gems.
Thanks for this post and opening up the discussion.
As a photographer and mother of two girls–one who’s four and the other who will turn two at the end of August–I have definitely struggled with the balance between my creative pursuits and being a stay-at-home parent, certainly. I think for me it’s a continual learning process, and a subject I tackle quite often on my blog which you can see here: http://elizabethflemingphotography.blogspot.com
I have to say writing on the blog over the last few months has really helped me to figure out, as best I can, where the balance lies, and to share both the difficulties and the absolute beauty of being a parent and an artist.
I think too for me because my photographs center around documenting my life, my children are part of my creativity, and so they feed and nurture each other. When I was getting back into my work it was difficult at first, but slowly as I’ve gotten into a routine I’ve realized, as is often the case, that in order to be a good mother I need this creative outlet. I’m happier when I’m involved in something I’m passionate about, and I feel lucky that I can explore the day-to-day rituals of my family through my camera. But I also was willing when my children were newborns and when they were really young to just shoot when I could and put the more promotional part of work aside.
I’m also lucky because my work is not responsible for paying the bills, and I have a very supportive husband who understands my need to pursue my art. He’s a photographer as well, but is involved in the commercial editorial world, and I’d say he’s my biggest cheerleader. So as far as relationships go I guess it’s important to be with someone who will understand (for the most part, no one’s perfect) when the laundry piles up or the house is a mess because you’re deep into shooting or editing, etc. But I can understand how it could be much more difficult if one’s work involved travel, or if both parents were responsible for making money. I guess it’s probably obvious and maybe a bit cliched to say it, but every family is different, and it’s all about finding what works for you, often through trial and error.
Elizabeth
http://www.elizabethfleming.com
Well, I read somewhere about a particular photographer who said his dog barked at him when he tried to enter his house after a long time spent away from home for assignment work…
Also, David the image at the bottom of this post is really graceful, snapshot or no snapshot, thats a great image…
autch… this post is very personal to me… in the last days i “arrived” 4 months late to my love and life. now i have to getting a new life and dreaming with love that i have lost. now the photography is not a priority (but of course i will continue my photography work), it was thinking in photography/career/moneySurvive that i have lost my love.
cheers,
nelson
autch… this post is very personal to me… in the last days i “arrived” 4 months late to my love and life. now i have to getting a new life and dreaming with love that i have lost. now the photography is not a priority (but of course i will continue my photography work), it was thinking in photography/career/moneySurvive that i have lost my love.
cheers,
nelson
autch… this post is very personal to me… in the last days i “arrived” 4 months late to my love and life. now i have to getting a new life and dreaming with love that i have lost. now the photography is not a priority (but of course i will continue my photography work), it was thinking in photography/career/moneySurvive that i have lost my love.
cheers,
nelson
autch… this post is very personal to me… in the last days i “arrived” 4 months late to my love and life. now i have to getting a new life and dreaming with love that i have lost. now the photography is not a priority (but of course i will continue my photography work), it was thinking in photography/career/moneySurvive that i have lost my love.
cheers,
nelson
autch… this post is very personal to me… in the last days i “arrived” 4 months late to my love and life. now i have to getting a new life and dreaming with love that i have lost. now the photography is not a priority (but of course i will continue my photography work), it was thinking in photography/career/moneySurvive that i have lost my love.
cheers,
nelson
autch… this post is very personal to me… in the last days i “arrived” 4 months late to my love and life. now i have to getting a new life and dreaming with love that i have lost. now the photography is not a priority (but of course i will continue my photography work), it was thinking in photography/career/moneySurvive that i have lost my love.
cheers,
nelson
autch… this post is very personal to me… in the last days i “arrived” 4 months late to my love and life. now i have to getting a new life and dreaming with love that i have lost. now the photography is not a priority (but of course i will continue my photography work), it was thinking in photography/career/moneySurvive that i have lost my love.
cheers,
nelson
autch… this post is very personal to me… in the last days i “arrived” 4 months late to my love and life. now i have to getting a new life and dreaming with love that i have lost. now the photography is not a priority (but of course i will continue my photography work), it was thinking in photography/career/moneySurvive that i have lost my love.
cheers,
nelson
autch… this post is very personal to me… in the last days i “arrived” 4 months late to my love and life. now i have to getting a new life and dreaming with love that i have lost. now the photography is not a priority (but of course i will continue my photography work), it was thinking in photography/career/moneySurvive that i have lost my love.
cheers,
nelson
Dear david, (hello all the rest), I´m a cinematographer, but an avid/silent follower of this blog, My case: one child & one divorce: At one time I was the fastest in town, you cannot imagine the arguments i´d give to convince everyone that the early morning light was better, if it would get me home in time to bath my son. Now divorced and shooting commercials, which means short and intense assignments, but plenty of time off in between, I find i´m very fortunate: When I work I concentrate 100% on that, when I don´t I concentrate 100% on my son… Best of both worlds, but I try and keep it only one at a time and enjoy them both to the fullest.
Hi there David,
greetings from sunny Cairns, Australia. I’m great mates with your pal Kerry Trapnell and I’m sure he gets a laugh looking at me trying to balance my life with my family!
About 6 months ago my wife decided to go back to work – she’s now a stewardess and takes off overseas for days on end while I look after two little boys of 3 and 5.
I’ve gone from a life traipsing all over the planet to a housebound one but it’s enabled me to concentrate more on my local area and I’ve seen some things in the last 6 months that I hadn’t seen in ten years of living here.
For documentary photograhpers there’s always a story to follow. If you’re stuck in one place then you just find the story close to your heart and your home.
cheers
Paul Dymond
http://www.dymond.com.au
well.. i am a matter of weeks away from fatherhood and it’s going to enrich my life professionally and personally.
i spent a decade doing the world-wide thing and it was great.. it would never have been possible with a family, since it was short trips, frequant trips.. every weekend.
now that i will do the father thing it is in no way going to halt my working life, since the shotr trips do not fascinate me so much anymore and both beate and i want to give baby some rich experiences..
paul sullivan, good friend and excellent writer, is just back from 5 weeks touring europe for a book.. with his girlfriend and new born.
recently kidnapped and released sean langan – father of two – has been working conflict zones since he’s been a dad.
beate loves me for a number of reasons and is understanding that work will take me away on occasion.. we have taked about taking baby round the world.. talked about working in orphanages in serbia (she is a nursery leader) and i’ve even shown her the frei film about nachtwey – and beate was supportive if i wanted to do that as well.
knowing where i would like my career to go next is part of the attraction, beate says..
knowing i will always need to be on the road to an extent is part of the course.
i have given up so very much for my photography in the past… (house.. girlfriends.. missing friends ) and even though i got what i wanted it never felt like i thought it would.. after my father died in 91 my mother became estranged and i operated with photography as family, friend and everything for the next 16 years.. dependable, always there and steady.. that is photography for me.
i was giving up too much though, in a way, now i will have both my career and a family..
of course.. when little boy drops into the world things may change.. however i’m hoping things are prepared well.. honest foundations about what we need from life and from love and work have been built and my hope is to grow in maturity.. something which will help my work going forward.
having said all that.. i might have been at the september loft workshops if not for impending fatherhood.. first compromise? i don’t think so.
beate wants me to go if i really want to.. however i need the next 6 months.. want to show all i have online.. and so this year is not right in anycase.
laying back and going with the flow for a while is what i want.. this year.. and next year.. back to it.. full force.. a list of idea’s is building up.. and it’ll happen.
for better or worse.
it involved a great deal of selfishness to have the life i have had for a decade.. and i’m simply not that selfish anymore.. life on the road is humbling.
i’m looking forward to a good family life for the first time.. and a better working life than ever, standing next to the woman i love and who loves me.. spending tim making my little boy laugh.
time, that is.. i’m not calling him tim..
i bought a pram today.. and took photos as well.
whoopwhoop.
oh – and wear the suit you want to wear tomorrow, today.
whether with work or with family.. it is happening now and waiting for either will lead to a let-down.
i think.
:o)
DAVID,
Interesting topic!
Joachim Ladefoged spoke about this in a recent interview a swedish magazine did with him. He said..
“I want to be a good dad. I myself haven’t had my dad as a part of my life when I was little. I don’t want to go to Afghanistan and take the risk of leaving my son without a father.”
Another quote..
“It’s not possible to become the best photographer in the world when you have a family. You have to choose. Behind every successful photographer stands a damaged child. And I prefer to be no. 10 in the world, and have a real family. James Nachtwey, one of my old idols, has bet it all on the work and doesn’t have a family. Do you know what he said about my decision, whit a glimpse in his eye: When I grow up I want to be like you.”
I’m assuming he’s speaking about photojournalism and documentary photography.
Maybe taken a little out of it’s context and poorly translated, but some interesting words.
Interesting interview overall with some not so positive words about Magnum thrown in there too. Today he’s with VII agency..
Cheers
ELIZABETH FLEMING:
:))))
Your work is MAGNIFICENT!…drop-dead gorgeous…i loved all 3 stories on your web site…really, loved deeply……
the traces and metaphors and caught drops of our lives, indeed! :))
so happy to dream up the work…
cheers
Bob
Martin :))…
Joachim rocks, but i’d take some umbridge with Joachim on the:
“It’s not possible to become the best photographer in the world when you have a family….”
what is “best photographer in the world”, as I have no idea in the world, not a clue (is there one, ever??)…i know some extraordinary photographers who’ve a family (some named above) and some who’ve not had or lost a family…and i know bad photographers who have a family and dont/had ;)))…no relaitonship whatsoever to whether a photographer is good/interesting/challenging or not…though, MAYBE being a PJ constantly on the road is a different issue…
“..Behind every successful photographer stands a damaged child…”
and behind most of US (all of us, once we were warriors/children) is a damaged child and so, im not sure that photogs have a lock on that ;)))))…damn, what about Professional Basketball/Baseball/Hockey/Football players ;)))))))))))))))
so, though as a dad and as a photographer (and as a son), I totally understand what Joachim is saying, im not sure so much if this is about being a photographer/choices…
i think some folk can be successful photographers (however they define successful) and have a family and other photographers cannot, i don’t think there’s a realtionship there, …except when it comes to separation (for example, PJ’s)…that question (traveling away from the family) is another matter…that’s i imagine at the heart of Joachim’s idea and David’s :))…
As for Jim’s family, well he’s left a legacy (and not only the photographic work) of humanitarian act that is as large of an idea as family i know :)))…it has to be awesomely lonely for Jim too sometimes, for sure, but hell so too can any life we’ve chosen…
I cannot imagine my life without marina or dima, not for a blazing second, but nor do i think the choices i have made are more rich, more real, more authentic, more loving….the key, for me: as a personn felt the worth of their life in connection with another human being…and i’d say Jim has that too…he’s got a family too :))))
thanks for the quotes :))
cheers
running
bob
BOB,
I’m not behind everything, but he has some good points. I made a big mistake though.
Wish I could edit my comment.
I wrote..
“..Behind every successful photographer stands a damaged child…”
It should be..
“..Behind every successful person stands a damaged child…”
As for “being the best in the world” I don’t think that’s for all categories of photography.
Also recently heard Mattias Klum (Nat Geo nature photographer) on the radio and he seemed to have similiar views like Ladefoged about children..
Cheers
It is a bit different if one wants one’s life centered around photography as a bread maker, a total pursuit, whatever the cost (a la Van Gogh), or rather a passion, however absorbing, that takes a step back to one’s job in life, day (of the week) in and day out.
Maybe one way of asking the question is: could photography be so much one’s goal in life (and it must feed you) that one would sacrifice/postpone having children, being a parent, or even a BF/GF/spouse?
Elizabeth, I think #30 is very special. It is very trivial and evocative at the same time. The little one is rolling on the floor, but the carpet design is almost like an angel’s wing coming off his back. Just wonderful…
Sorry, I meant:
and it must feed you eventually…
I have two kids, teens, and am their only parent. It’s been this way for exactly 7 years as of next week. I do not photograph as my main income, I came to that even later. It’s a struggle to get the time and space to learn over any sustained period — but I spend a lot more time learning how to parent, and am getting two of the best relationships of my life out from it.
I took a one week long workshop (MPW) that expanded my mind, and provided the total luxury of being surrounded by people who lived and breathed photography, amazing; but it was very hard to get that week away, out of town. I think it’s important, though, that the kids are seeing me reach for something that I want to learn, that they see me trying and failing and trying again.
They slow me down, definitely…but then again, they slow me down…Something to be said for that.
Joan
Janet and I waited 17 years before we had children. She’s an artist and writer. Anyway, I’m 61 and have an 11 year old and 12 year old. Both boys. It’s great fun. An absolute blast. My wife and I still look at each other and sometimes say, “There are little people in the house”. And then laugh. Good topic to bring up, David. [I reintroduced myself to Bryan - David's son - at LOOK3 last year. Bryan and I laughed when I described when I'd first met him. He said "I was one year old then". Time does fly.] I hope all of you don’t mind my occasional remembrances of DAH.
BOB – I’ve got an issue with that whole lone Warrior bullshit , I’t never quite worked for me – We started having babies within 6 months of starting our new life as a freelancer , Miles was happy accident as my wife Jude and I had literally spent about 5 weeks of the previous 12 months in the same country ( but when your on a good thing you just know it )and then 2 years later Stella comes along .
The thing is it’s working for me to have something to come home to , an impetus to arrive do my job well, collect my pay , leave !Before I bacame a family man ,I worked partied ,travelled and spent far too much time on the piss! Since I became a family man , I’m working a lot more on things I enjoy and am good at , filled 2 passports using our little town in the North as a base – This time has been the most fulfilling time of my life ,both personally and professionaly ,
I remember covering a Royal Tour a few years ago sitting around a table with some photographer mates from the UK ,talking about a colleague who worked out that he had been in the country for 4 of his daughters 21 birthdays – He quickly took a redundancy and became a fulltime carer for his grandkids – There’s a lot of cautionary tales in our biz.
The absence thing is an issue only when the jobs draaaaag on with no end in sight , but at the end of the day we both agreed that this was how we were going to support our family and that when I am home I am 100 % home and when I’m out a phone call would be nice.
I wonder who the best photographer in the world is?
This has been seen, but it seemed appropriate again…
http://www.mediastorm.org/0018.htm
KELLY
I just finished “Evidence of my Existence” book – great read. I just mailed it to Lance….
I haven’t read it yet Gina, but I’ll grab it once he is finished. I love the MM piece. It’s good to see you here and I’m excited to see Mexico from a bus when you are ready.
this is an interesting question that DAH has asked. i decided a long time ago not to have kids. i love my life and do not see children fitting into that. don’t get me wrong – I LOVE KIDS – and am one kick-ass Auntie – but it’s just not for me. I love to travel, watch 9 hours of football on sunday, see 3 movies a week, take naps, and I have VERY little patience.
there is a new NG book out by Annie Griffiths Belt, “A Camera, Two Kids, and a Camel. Annie took her 2 kids on her assignments and made it work.
then again – i truly admire the Nachtwey’s of the world who sacrifice “family” for their work, vision, and passion.
” no, these are digi photos and not the REAL pictures for the project, but i love snapshots just like anyone else..” ) DAH
this is an interesting statement and something i think about from time to time. I’m curious from a professional documentarians point of view ( David ) when is a photo a snapshot as opposed to a work of art or something like that. Most people i think associate snapshots with the 35mm format – however in this case ( David ) used the word digi which is basically 35mm just not film. recently DAH posted a picture titled, ” fisherman and his wife, ” clearly a work of art in the highest order in my humble opinion. sometimes the difference between a snapshot or something more deliberate is a tough call when viewing fotos. how about nan goldin, larry clark, terry richardson, lee friedlander, or even a ryan mcginley ? which is what ?
david how do you determine or quantify what is a snapshot vs a picture that transcends labels and just is .. pure classic.. like 90 % of what exists on the Magnum site hardly snapshots; yet most of which were shot with 35mm film cameras.. anyone care to expound or have any ideas-thoughts ?
Heh, I guess I’m the not very family person here. I don’t have pets (not allowed in the flat), no girlfriend, all my relatives live in different countries, and even the plants that I had accumulated with time (and via girls) have died. I didn’t share a house with my siblings since I was two years old, and I didn’t share a country with them since I was four. They live in Finland, my mother lives in Spain and I live in Wales. Right now I miss my cousins in the countryside the most because it has been more than five years since I met them the last time. At least I do have friends everywhere…
MARTIN :)))…
I was kind of playing with Joachim’s quotes, gesting with that kind of thinking. :))..No worries, and i totally get what Joachim was saying, it’s just (good or bad) i tend to react when photographers, even more so good ones, talk about being “the best photographer…” or that there is such a think: it’s such a stupid gladiatorial bullshit mentality ;)))…maybe that’s part of the entire heroic PJ world (i listen to it lots when i drink with some), but it just silly peacock stuff, but i totally understand Joachim’s point: it is very difficult to divide “loyalties”, when one’s “job” or “life passion” involves enormous amounts of time away from home with people not your family…it’s a complex and profoundly difficult life choice…and like Joachim, i wouldnt trade my own decisions as a husband/father/photographers for Jim’s life either….and i meant that without judgment :))…which i was trying to suggest. :))
BROTHER GLENN: :))
I totally find the whole “warrior” mentality totally moronic too (specially as it applies to the PJ world), but that’s not what i was suggesting…i meant that each child struggles with growing up with ridiculously imperfect parents…and i hope to god that my son forgives all the stupid ass parenting and decisions i’ve made for us, for him…it’s my only thought, as a parent, is that have i made his life more safe, more certain, less damaged than the one i grew upon, and i guess that is every parent’s, or most parents hopes, and there aint another warrior in the world like young girls and boys and what they have to survive and grow into…and it doesnt matter if mommy was a WPP award-winning PJ or Daddy was a drunk postal worker or if both parents, or one parent, were the choirmaster and president of the schoolboard and founder of the redcross, each child is a miracle of survial regardless of our best intentions, and so im not so sure that the making of a good or fit (illfit) parent is related to (immediately) their job, but more fundamental thing: certainty of love given and the certain of safety felt as they struggle to wade into this life :)))))…
on the day i was married, i became a father…and everything, i mean everything (photography, writing, drinking, family, travel, tv, books, money, every bloody thing) changed, cock-cold-hard, and my life was upended…
and thankfully, i’ve never looked back, not once ;)))…
hugs
b
GINA – Interesting that Annie can bring her kids away non assignment with her – I Think DAH did th – Our first family assignment resulted in concussion , a black eye and a mouthful of Kangaroo Poop! We will try again in September!
In retrospect I think The whole Uncle/Aunty experience is what prepared me for starting my own family – But why do many think you can’t have a family and still live a creative life following your vision with passion? The support that my family give out allow me to work harder,smarter and more creatively than ever before – I honestly could’nt work the way I do without the support from home.
i mean absolutely LITERALLY became a father on the day of my wedding…nuptials, food, cognac and a family….my dad later said: “well bob, i thought you did things kinda slow…guess i was wrong” ;))…
hugs
b
BOB – sometimes imperfect parents make for make for an interesting childhood – My Dad was a non stop traveller when he came back from Vietnam – we just went along and did’nt know anything different from playing on the side of a dirt road while Dad Bulldozed it flat and making freinds with any kids we could find at outback roadhouses , small towns etc – probably prepared me for a career in getting to know strangers and taking their picture.
GLEN – i definitely do believe that you can have creativity and family. i just know i would never be able to watch “Meet the Press” and RAIDER games uninterrupted…. just kidding. My twin was a single mom at 19 and I was there with her through it all. it’s just not the path for me. I have never felt alone with this decision and hope I never do…
John Fulton, love the remembrances but you must throw in something just a little embarrassing on occasion ;-)
DAH you are most probably psychic…
All I can say is since I was about six years old I vowed never to have kids, because there are so many in the world that are neglected, abused and hurt by the adult world in so many ways.
I could never guarantee that bringing another person onto this earth would be anything but a selfish act of gratification, playing god if you will, for the benefit of not having the courage to face your own personal mortality.
Now I know lots of people with families might feel that’s a bit harsh, but I did make my choices when I was a child, long before I became a photographer.
My career choice is really nothing to do with my childlessness, it has more to do with my view of someone who has always struggled to find some real meaning with foisting life onto another being and then denying its existence…
where i live the biggest money earner is working away from shore on the oil rigs..
i’ve yet to hear of an oil worker, who spends 3 or 4 in ever 8 weeks out in the north sea, say it would be unfair to have children.. because they want to be the best oil worker they can.
it is not suitable for perhaps a very small section of photographers – however i don’t think that has anything to do with dedication or ambition.. i think it’s as lisa says above.. as others say.. i think it must be a personal choice.
it’s a cliche which many photographers use – and i’ve used in the past – that work would prevent a family. when i think on it further i wonder if photography was a great excuse for me to live without responsibility, hiding behind my profession..loosing relationships..
everyone is different – astonishingly different.. and to meet a lover on the same life curve and want to progress that lifestyle is an amazing thing.
the sweeping generalization that it is not compatible with any profession is daft, i think.. cliched and easy.
bob is right i think.. basketball ‘stars’, sports people.. oil rig workers.. shift workers.. my dad, infact.
my father was a london taxi driver.. he’d be awake and leave the house by 5.30am, to return of an evening at 8pm.. not so that he could be ‘the best taxi driver he could’, but because the job demanded it.
he was not a selfish man, nor was he a bad father.. he just had his job to do.
the children we look after adapt to our life choices and while not wanting to give them too much to cope with, there is no way i would want them to face the resulting resentment built up over martyring my career for them.. i do not think having kids is going to turn me into a wedding photographer.. i’m david and beate is beate.. our child will be XXXX and have his own ways and ambitions.
parents have a right to continue a life they love.. which may be much much more inspiring for a child as well..
big respect here for photographers with families.. continue your passion and your family with dedication and i have no doubt that your children will be injected with some rare experience, independence and, when they are old enough, real pride and love for your life choices.
snapshots
pix
phots
is all the same.
i have a digi which i use for mucking about.. whenever i take a snap i’m really happy with i curse that it is not on film..
looking forward to seeing the family work DAH.. and thanks for the honest insight to your life as well as your friends lives… it’s clearly struck a chord here, not least with myself and beate – who have been talking on this subject for the past 7 months or so..
2 to go..
boy, he’s going to have fun.
David B., all, I think we can quite accept that some can juggle the 2, and some can’t. No one is the same. different backgrounds, different demons, or felicities, the best is probably keeping from “it can (‘t) be done” generalizing, and listen to personal experiences that may have gone one way or another.
Oil riggers, taxi drivers? Hmmm, I see the point, but what if we ask the taxi driver to fetch people in a different country, or even city, every week. What if we ask him to do nightshifts an dayshifts indifferently, what if he makes peanuts working 12 hours or more, or clients won’t pay the fare (but leave your phone #, we liked your driving)…
As david likes to say, if evryone could be a working photographer, it would be easy. After all, there are a lot more employed taxi drivers than photographers.
If photography was a 9 to 5 job, with skills merely learnt, same ones for everyone (when it is 9 to 5 as can happen, parenting or not is most likely not an issue) , I am pretty sure David would not have introduced the topic.
BROTHER GLENN :)))
yes, couldnt agree more! :))…Your dad served in Vietnam??…ok, so you must read this book (just finished it last week):
Tom Bissell’s FATHER OF ALL THINGS
a must!
http://www.randomhouse.com/catalog/display.pperl/9780375422652.html
it’s brilliant!
gotta run :))
hugs
b